This season is really doing a great number on me. The way I’m speaking is different, the way I’m thinking is different, my action and reaction is different. Sure, I will still be the first to say, I admit to a few close friends that its still hard, but I do my best not to sit in that perspective. Yesterday morning was a good example to me that I am growing. This season came for a reason.
Jeff and I knew we were getting paid at the end of this week and because of all of the “all of the sudden” trials we have been dealing with lately, we have been having to pay for those instead of our bills. Up until this point, I was fine, but I think I was also in denial because I didn’t want to write everything we owed on paper, because I didn’t want to see the reality. Still the time came, and we needed to prioritize.
We made up the list of what we could think of that we owed and with each thing we wrote down we realized each one was a priority. Which ones were we going to take on first?
Jeff made a few comments and then said “Even with this check being more, we still aren’t going to be able to pay it all.” Then decided he needed to shower and get ready for his day so he walked out of the room.
I sat there, with a moment of helplessness and frustration. Not because of the truth to what he said, but because he said it. In my mind I had already resolved that it was going to work out somehow and that this wasn’t going to be forever. All of this was only temporary. But for him to speak that? I finally couldn’t sit at the table any longer. I went downstairs into the bathroom where he was.
The sight of him just made me smile. Even though this is rough at moments and even if I get frustrated with him, I’m glad this journey is with him. I kissed him, got the courage and bravery I needed and spoke.
“Jeffrey, I know that in the physical right now, if we focus on the situation solely, this sucks. I agree with you and it feels hard. I also know that you believe in where we are headed and I know you believe that this is temporary. I know you know, but I need you to speak it. Because you speaking it is going remind me that I’m not the only one believing it. And you speaking it is going to remind us that it is only temporary, and help us get through the hard times. Will you do that for me?”
Immediately I saw a change in him. He also apologized, which I wasn’t expecting him to do. But I think he realized his attitude did not match our belief. When he got out of the shower and got dressed he came back upstairs and could not stop talking about all of the things that popped into his head to show him that this really is only temporary. He walked out the door to work with afresh new look on where we were. And I was proud.
Had we not gone through everything we have faced in the last 2 months, I’m not sure how quick I would have been to do that. I might have mustered up the courage sometime to speak my mind. But now I’m just blunt about it. I understand the power of our tongues and I don’t want to get bent out of shape on a “battle” when we should keep in mind that we win the “war”. Even now, writing all of this just reaffirms we are going to make it.
I’m believing in where we are headed. I have faith in it. I also know its going to take action. I also know its going to be hard work.
But my family is worth it. Our kids are worth it. Whether they call me step mom or mom, they are worth it. My husband is worth it. My purpose in life is worth it. I will go through whatever I need to if that means God is planning my steps and with me through it all. Its worth it and that’s a change. I even caught myself the other day singing this song:
“I don’t understand your ways. Oh but I will give you my song. I give you all of my praise. You hold on to all my pain and with it you are pulling me closer and pulling me into your ways…..It’s gonna be worth it. It’s gonna be worth it. It’s gonna be worth it all. I believe it.”
I honestly, can’t remember the last time I heard that song, but I love how God brings things to mind when we need them the most and he does it with music for me a lot!
So is this season worth it? Yes, because I am growing so much. What’s most important to me right now is that each day I become greater than I was the day before.
Oh so something else that has happen since the last time I have written. Let me start out by saying yet again that God is good. Friday I went with a friend up to Spokane for a Ladies event, so we got to talk for a good 3 hours on the way up. It was good, because we don’t get that opportunity a lot. I filled her in on a few of the things going on and all of the trials we have been facing. Keep in mind this is the friend that was doing her talk at the event on adversity. She shared with me more of her and her husbands story that I did not know before. She also told me about what happened as soon as the adversity ended.
“Our business exploded. It was crazy to us, but we hadn’t done anything for months because we were working so hard to get through everything that hit in our family and then right after Success School we were consistently hitting 3,000-4,000 dollars a month with our business.”
Now, I’m not saying that I KNOW that is going to happen to our business, but what I am saying is I understand what she means. I’m watching the seeds we planted in people grow. I’m watching friends of ours take off and give the hope and dreams we planted in them to their friends now. Everything is still going on even without us. And though its hard financially for us right now, we KNOW what’s around the corner.
That was one way God reminded us whose really in charge of the situation.
Then, next time Jeff was at work, Saturday I believe, he sends me a picture of a quote he saw. It read “When everything seems to be going against you, remember always that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” -Henry Ford.
AMEN! That same day my friend that I went to Spokane with, sent me this quote that she saw. It read “Adversity and trials are part of life. And you can either let them bury you or you can let them STRENGTHEN YOU!” -Dani Johnson.
Again, AMEN! And THEN, we watched our favorite church online Sunday morning, and boy was it dead on! Here’s a preview of the message. I can honestly say it is one of the best perspectives I have ever heard. And it’s so good for anyone going through hard times in their life that may leave, shall we say, a scar.
http://elevationchurch.org/sermons/scar-shaper?autoplay=preview
That message rocked my world and I might even write a review on it later because I think it will help me remember the power in some of the things he said.
So what has this last week been for the Wheeler family? A reminder of why we are going through all of this, many talks and signs of hope, encouragement to keep going, and proof that everything we have been going through is leaving a positive mark on us. I am blessed to know this and excited to see how this season will shape our future.
“Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 3:13&14
Through every hardship you face. Everything you wish you didn’t have to go through, forget what is behind and push ahead. Don’t turn to look back, keep your eyes on the prize.
It’s gonna be worth it all. I believe it.
Ashley Wheeler 